Are you dancing with me or with someone else?
I'm sorry, I... I... I, uh,
I can't get over what her royal highness just said to me.
What? What did she say?
She said I ought to come and see them in the country.
And I was just thinking,
you think it's ok if I asked her to dance?
Oh, you're such a dreadful snob, Tom.
I know. That's why England's the best place for me.
I'm glad we quarreled.
We're closer now than we've ever been.
Tom?
What?
Can I ask you a favor?
Anything in the world.
You know Julia Lambert well, don't you?
No, not well, slightly.
Oh.
Have you been to bed with her?
Are you crazy?
She's old enough to be my mother.
What about her?
I heard on the grapevine that she's doing a new play
called "Nowadays",
and there's a part for me in it.
So I wondered if you...
If I'd talk to her?
Yes. Please, Tom,
I'm doing a Sunday night performance week after next.
Terrible play. Lovely part. Good shop window.
If you could get her to see me in it...
Is that all? Consider it done.
I can get Julia Lambert to do anything I want.
She eats out of my hand. The part's yours.
Don't be daft,
I'd be lucky to get an audition,
never mind the part.
You'll be in that play or I'll never kiss you again.
Must say,
never thought you'd keep this up.
Nor did I. But tummies will be tummies.
Saw the preliminary budget for "Nowadays".
Hmm. Looks promising.
Must start auditioning. By the way,
have you ever heard of a girl called Avice Crichton?
The name rings a bell.
I'm told she's rather good.
I was wondering if she might play Sybil.
Guess how I heard about her.
How?
Through Tom.
He says she's clever.
She's playing in a Sunday night show.
Tom thinks
it might be worthwhile to go and have a look-see.
- Well, why don't you? - Can't.
Going down to sandwich to play golf.
Staying the night.
Would it bore you awfully to go?
Tom'll take you.
I'll think about it.
Hmm, am I late or were you early?
The curtain goes up sharp at 8:00.
I hate getting to a play after it's begun.
Remind me, uh,
what's the name of the actress we're going to see tonight?
Avice Crichton. You met her.
She came to lunch at Taplow.
- We even fought over her. - Did we?
- Mmm. - I don't remember.
I can't wait to hear what you think of her.
She's so nervous knowing you're gonna be out front.
You know, these performances are like rehearsals, but I said you'd understand.
Bottoms up.
I had a letter from Roger.
He's having a fine old time. He's in Rome now.
- Oh, yeah? - She's awfully pretty.
Who are we talking about now?
Avice Crichton.
Oh.
Yeah, she's got a great figure. And she's very fair.
What with platinum and peroxide,
there's no lack of blondes these days.
Hers is natural.
I wonder how you know that.
Keep the pace, Julia, don't rush it.
Nice and easy.
God, this is undrinkable.
He'll have to make a fresh pot.
Julia, please don't.
We'll be late.
The first few minutes don't matter.
But I said we'd be there on the dot.
She's got a very good scene right at the beginning.
I'm sorry, but I can't go without my coffee.
Wilson, can you make a fresh pot?
This tastes of bitter aloes.
Bravo!
What time did the doctor say he was coming?
Any moment now.
Which one's Avice?
The pretty one.
Oh, Cynthia,
I do hope he will be able to help me.
"He's meant to be a miracle worker."
He's meant to be a miracle worker.
I do so want to see again, Cynthia.
Miss Lambert, this is such an honor.
You were great.
I'm so glad to meet you again.
And it's awfully good of you to come round.
I- I'm afraid it's not much of a play
but I took a fancy to the part.
Oh, my dear,
Please don't weep. You're nervous.
And nerves are the respect we pay our audience.
It was only the first few moments.
After that, you were splendid, quite splendid.
- Thank you, miss Lambert. - Of course.
Thank you so much.
Good night, miss Crichton, and thank you.
You're so good at being blind.
Oh, thank you.
Ask her.
Miss Lambert,
is it true
you're putting on a new play soon?
Yes.
If there's a part for me in it,
could I audition for you?
I'll tell Mr. Gosselyn about you.
If you were to put in a good word for me,
that would help so much.
I take my husband's advice more often than he does mine.
Oh, and good night. Please, cheer up.
You should go a long way.
You didn't think much of her, did you?
On the contrary, I think a great deal of her.
She's so energetic.
I don't feel like going to a restaurant.
Bolton, straight home, please.
Michael's away. We can talk.
Tell me,
have you been to bed with Avice Crichton?
Of course not.
Why not? She's pretty.
She's not that sort of girl. I respect her.
Hmm, do you know what I think?
I think you're madly in love with her.
Are you?
There's no need to break up the happy home.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.
You did it
because you haven't the guts to tell me the truth.
You're in love with that girl, aren't you?
Why not admit it?
Is it because you think
it would harm her chances of playing Sybil
in the new play?
You ought to know me well enough by now
that I would never let sentiment interfere with business.
What do you mean?
I think she's rather a find.
I'll tell Michael.
I'll insist she plays the part.
Oh, Julia, you're wonderful.
Hell, I'm so fond of you.
You...
I'm fond of you.
I've liked going to bed with you.
And it pleases me to think
that you liked going to bed with me.
But let's face it.
I've never been in love with you
and you,
you've never been in love with me.
We both knew it couldn't last.
Hmm.
You're in love with that girl, aren't you?
You might as well admit it.
Yes.
Go now. Please.
For Christ's sake, Julia,
what do you think you're doing?
You disappoint me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, you really do.
After all I've taught you?
You can't just stand there
like a spare prick at a wedding.
For Christ's sake, Julia, assert yourself.
It's you that matters. You. Only you.
All's fair with love and the theatre, ducky.
No one will ever know how much I loved him.
He was my earth, my moon,
and all the stars in the firmament.
Farewell, my love.
Oh, evening, Mr. Gosselyn.
I didn't expect you back tonight.
How was the golf?
Erratic.
How was the girl?
Oh.
- Brilliant. - Really?
Very talented.
Yes, but can she act?
Oh, she has to play Sybil.
She's very pretty. Audition her.
You'll see what I mean.
I saw the play tonight.
Hmm. We took 5 calls.
Julia, I've got something to say to you.
Don't fly into temper, just listen.
What is it?
Why did you give such a lousy performance?
- A lousy performance? - Mmm-hmm.
That just shows how little you know.
I've never acted better in my life.
Balls. You were awful.
They adored me tonight.
The public are jackasses.
You were barnstorming.
False from beginning to end.
How dare you speak to me like that,
you little shit?
Get out of my room! What do you know?
You can strike me,
you can swear at me, you can yell the roof off.
The fact remains that your acting has gone all to hell.
And I'm not going to start rehearsing nowadays
with you playing up like a drama queen suffering from asthma.
Get someone else to play the part!
Don't be stupid, Julia!
I'm taking the play off on Saturday.
And then I want you to go abroad.
Have a break.
Go and see your mother in Jersey.
We'll start rehearsing "Nowadays" when you...
when you get back.
Am I really that bad?
Yes.
Don't let the world outside cheapen your gifts.
And what Jimmie Langton used to say:
"Your only reality is the theatre."
I hate myself. I'm a slut.
I'm just a rotten bitch. Rotten through and through.
Nevertheless, you're a great actress.
Not tonight.
No. Not tonight.
Oh, darling, I'm... I'm tired out. I...
So stupid of me. I should...
You're right. You're right.
The only thing is to go away.
Thank you.
It's so good to see you.
And no drafts,
that's very important, Julia, dear.
Aunt Carrie and I will be very careful
to see that you never sit in a draft.
And you must wear socks and woolen vests.
I would sooner wear a shroud.
Oh, well, we will discuss it in the morning.
Miss Avice Crichton.
Good afternoon.
I'm Michael Gosselyn.
Good afternoon, Mr. Gosselyn.
What are you going to do for us?
I thought I'd do something from "Twelfth night".
Viola.
Good. In your own time.
"Make me a willow cabin at your gate
and call upon my soul within the house"
Now do it as if you've got a cold.
I beg your pardon?
Can you do it again,
but this time
as if you've got a bad cold in the nose.
"Make me a willow cabin at your gate
"And call upon my soul within the house
"Write loyal cantons of contemned love
"and sing them loud even in the dead of night
Halloo your name..."
Thank you. Can you do a sneeze?
A what?
Can you do a good, big sneeze?
I think so.
I've got it. Tom, I've got it!
I've got it! you got it!
She's coming.
Don't over-dramatize, dear.
Just say, "Here's a telegram,"
as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Yes, but I hate telegrams.
Um, Julia, dear,
sit down and, uh, don't be alarmed.
What's happened?
Well, I'm afraid there's a telegram for you.
Oh.
Oh, how lovely.
I only realize now
how terribly I've missed you all these months.
And I you. God, I've missed you.
Come on, tell me all the gossip.
Oh, let's see.
Johnny Gore-Barker has run off with Bunty Robinson.
- No. - Yeah.
He can't have.
She looks like the back of a bus.
Oh, I don't think Johnny Gore-Barker knows what a bus is, front or back.
Everyone's talking about this new girl,
- but of course you know that. - What new girl?
The one who's to be in your next play.
Her name's Avice Crichton, something like that.
Michael says she's to be the new Julia Lambert.
Yes, yes, he wrote to me.
It was my idea. I'm delighted.
She's very pretty.
How madly generous of you.
And London was full of your mischief, Julia.
Was it?
It sounds as if you needed a hand to hold.
Are you through the worst?
I think my vanity
was more wounded than my heart.
I'm so sorry, Julia, sorry that you've suffered.
I love you. I always have. Always will.
Charles, we're miles from home.
There's no one here who knows us.
Just... honey...
What?
Don't let your vanity be wounded again, um.
I'm not worth it.
There'd be no reason.
I love you in... in my own way.
Julia, we've always known what that means.
You can't be in the theatre and that naive.
I love you more than you can imagine.
But...
But what?
I play for the other side.
Charles.
Oh, darling.
Hello.
Oh, Grace.
I'm so happy you're with us!
Well, it's not much of a part, but it is the west end.
Hello, dear.
Hello, Michael,
I'd like to introduce our distinguished author,
Mr. Walter Gibbs.
Oh, I can't tell you
how proud I am that you're on "Nowadays".
How sweet of you.
But you've given me a monstrous speech at the end of the play.
I hope I can learn it.
You remember miss Crichton.
Miss Lambert. Oh, how could I forget.
She's playing Sybil.
Miss Lambert, I just want you to know...
Have you seen Tom recently?
Uh, once or twice.
Miss Lambert, I just want you to know
I'm going to give my all in this part.
I'll give it my absolute all.
Now, now, you mustn't be a little spendthrift.
All right, everybody, we'll start.
Yeah.
So, if you'll find a chair.
"Oh, Millicent,
"then I asked if he could help me.
"I asked if he would give me a letter to the bank.
"He lifted the towel.
"His nose was bright red and his eyes were streaming.
"He looked awful. He said:
'I'm afraid I have a nasty cold in my nose.'"
Good.
"I hope you didn't catch it from him.
You can't afford a cold with so much to do."
Go on.
"Then he sneezed.
"I don't think I've ever heard such a sneeze, Millicent.
"It began with a monstrous intake of breath.
"Wait, wait. I'll show you.
"I said, 'bless you.'
"And he said, 'I won't say thank you
'as it's meant to bring misfortune.'"
"We should have seen through him.
"Then it would never have happened.
"But nowadays
"we're only interested in appearances.
And he did have the most beautiful appearance."
Uh, mumbo-jumbo. Bad luck to say the last line.
Right, well, I think we should call it a morning.
All right?
Couldn't be better.
Good reading. Pleased with the company?
You've cast it splendidly.
The girl's clever, isn't she?
Yes, isn't she?
- Well, give my love to Roger. - Ta.
I wouldn't say this to your face,
so I'll say it to your back.
I've missed you.
And I've missed you, Evie.
I did the usual things.
I saw the sights. Worked hard at my Italian.
And went to the opera a good deal.
Have you made up your mind what you're going to do yet?
I want to stop living
in an atmosphere of make-believe.
That's your world, not mine.
And it stifles me.
What do you mean?
Once, when I was a kid,
I was standing in the wings watching you on-stage.
It must've been a pretty moving scene
because I couldn't stop blubbing.
You moved to the side of the stage
near where I was standing
and you turned your back on the audience, and you said,
in your ordinary voice:
"What the bloody hell the electrician thought he was doing
with the bright lights."
And then in the same breath, with a great cry of anguish
you just went on with the scene.
That was acting.
If I... if I truly felt
all the emotions I was representing,
I'd be a wreck.
You have a performance for everyone.
For the servants, for daddy, for everybody.
And I don't think you really exist.
Roger!
Once you told me something. I don't remember exactly what,
but the exact same night
you said the same line on the stage.
Even the things you say are second hand.
All I want is for you to be happy.
You should talk this over with your father.
Mmm, daddy's worse than you are.
But he only acts one part, thank God,
and that's the handsomest man in England.
Then talk it over with someone of your own age, then.
Tom, for instance.
Tom?
I thought you liked him.
No, I didn't like him at all.
You've dropped him, haven't you?
I...
I suppose I have, more or less.
Good. He wasn't worthy of you.
Roger, do you think I'm getting old?
No, not you.
Mmm, Tom's little tart's in your play, I hear.
By the way,
she's having a fling with daddy.
"How's your cousin Millicent?"
And I said you were well.
He wanted to know... Michael,
I'm not happy
sitting beside her on the bench.
After all, it's miss Crichton's scene,
I think I'm too dominant here.
Well, move if you want to, but where?
There, on the stool, with my back to the audience.
All I am is a feed in this scene
and it... it feels wrong
to be on equal footing with miss Crichton.
I don't mind, really, miss Lambert.
No, no, no, no,
I'm uncomfortable. It feels ungenerous.
Michael, what if I'm discovered there
when the scene starts?
I could sit facing the swing.
Then I don't have to move.
I can stay here
right until miss Crichton's exit.
to thunderous applause, I've no doubt. Hmm?
Well, I'm... I'm quite happy to try it.
Go from the top.
How was your interview with sir Philip?
Oh!
It was like a scene out of dickens.
He had the most dread...
You see? It's much better with me here, isn't it?
Well, yes, it is,
as long as you don't mind being stuck down there for 10 minutes.
Mind? Why should I mind? I suggested it.
Lower. Lower.
That's right.
It was like a scene out of dickens.
He had the most dreadful cold.
So I said,
"Should I come back another time?
And he said:
"No, no, no, no, no, no."
Thank you,
and then give me all the light you've got.
Can't do comedy in the dark.
Dolly, darling.
How's it all going?
Splendid. How was... how was France?
Splendid. How's Julia?
Splendid. And the new girl?
- We're ready, Mr. Gosselyn. - Thank you, Mr. Turnbull.
Dolly, have a seat.
Thank you, uh, miss Lambert,
Mr. Dexter, miss Crichton on the stage.
Hold the banging.
Michael.
I say, that's awfully plain, Julia.
Precisely. But I want it for 2 reasons.
Firstly, it's awfully good for the quick change,
just hooks up the back.
Second, I simply don't want in any way
to distract from miss Crichton.
All right. Happy, Archie?
Trousers need shortening a bit,
but that's all.
And miss Crichton?
I don't think it fits her properly.
Especially at the waist.
And she's got such a pretty figure,
I think it needs to come in at least half an inch.
I don't like it.
Julia's being far too angelic.
' "Nowadays" from J. L.' And the date. Very nice.
Here's the list. Can you wrap each separately
and have them sent round to the theatre
no later than 5:00 this evening?
Of course, miss Lambert.
I'm so looking forward to seeing the play.
It will make a beautiful gift.
Yeah.
T- O-M.
Julia.
Are you getting engaged to Avice?
Oh, this. Oh, no. No, it's a first-night gift.
She doesn't want to get engaged.
Wants her freedom.
Doesn't want anything to interfere with her career.
Her what?
Oh, yes, I... I see what you mean.
I'm going to be there tonight. Michael's given me a box.
Will that be all, sir?
Yes.
Tom, how about giving me tea?
At your place. For old times' sake.
Why not?
- Give Avice this. - Hmm?
It may bring her luck.
I have in my hand, this piece of paper
signed by me, Herr Hitler, and Benito Macaroni
in Munich.
It is for peace in our time.
However, if there is a war,
then their majesties, the king and queen
and their 2 lovely daughters,
Elizabeth and Margaret rose
and me and the entire cabinet
will set sail immediately for Canada!
You will stay here!
Break a leg.
you're going to be a sensation.
Terribly sorry.
Same from me, Julia.
And you're coming to the party tonight, aren't you?
Of course, wouldn't miss it. Thank you both.
Yes, thank you. Thank you.
Yes.
You don't have a whisky handy?
No, no, no, not here. I've got all that set up in the bar.
Darling, we'll see you later.
Dolly, I'll do the other dressing rooms and I'll see you in the foyer.
Uh, bring our distinguished author with you, will you?
Yes, of course.
Are... are we leaving?
Half an hour, miss Lambert.
So... so... so sorry.
hello, Mr. Dexter.
It's me.
Half an hour please, miss Crichton.
Oh, Michael.
Thank you for everything, Michael.
Here's your first-night present.
I'm putting you under contract.
Michael. Here it is.
Sign on the front.
Here you are.
Oh, thank you.
Good evening, Mrs. De Vries.
Good evening, Roger.
Charles.
Aunt Dolly.
Sweetheart, don't call me aunty.
Um, we should be going in.
Oh, yes.
I'm nervous. I'm going to get a drink.
It's that way. It's that way.
Join us upstairs. Got your ticket?
The first stage, come on.
Sir.
Thank you.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He did have the most beautiful appearance.
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
No, that one, you silly cow. Quickly.
What are you up to?
Well, give it.
How was your interview with sir Philip?
It was like a scene out of dickens.
He had the most dreadful cold.
He was in... in bed, inhaling.
So I...
so I said,
"Should I come back another time?"
And he said:
"No, no."
I used to do that as a child.
I was very prone to colds.
In my nose. I sneezed a good deal.
I was always inhaling
over steaming water and camphorated oil.
Oh, Millicent.
Then I asked if he could help me.
I asked if he would give me
a letter to the bank.
He lifted the towel.
His nose was bright red and his eyes were streaming.
He looked awful. He said:
"I'm afraid I have a nasty cold in my nose."
You're lying to me, Sybil.
You're not putting on that cold
because you've caught it from sir Philip, haven't you?
Who wrote this balls?
Was it because you snuggled up beside him?
Was it because he made a pass at you?
Tell me the truth, Sybil.
He sneezed.
Oh.
I don't think
I've ever heard such a sneeze, Millicent.
It began with a monstrous intake of breath.
Wait, wait. I'll show you.
I said...
Oh, my God.
"Bless you."
I said, "Bless you."
And he said, "I won't say thank you
as it's meant to bring misfortune."
Misfortune, indeed.
No, now I get it!
Now I understand!
You're dilly-dallying with sir Philip and young Ben.
No wonder you caught a cold.
Shame on you, Sybil.
Which is it to be?
The old man or the young boy?
Silly question, I suppose. I know which one I'd choose.
No, no, no, no, don't you go.
Stay exactly where you are. I haven't finished with you.
Not remotely.
I want to know.
Did he make a pass at you
or did you make a pass at him?
I'm talking about the old man now,
not the young boy.
My God, this is complicated!
God!
God, God.
Oh, no, no, don't cry.
It'll only make you more miserable!
I'll tell you what I think happened. Huh?
Sir Philip got a little fresh with you,
didn't he?
And you, you, you, you couldn't resist.
It's rather difficult to get fresh
when you have a cold.
What did he say?
"Please, please,
make an old man happy."
Naughty, Sybil, very naughty.
Trying to have sir Philip on the side.
And I've always found it very uncomfortable
on the side.
I think we should punish him, don't you?
Or you.
Perhaps we should punish you.
But how? That's the question: How?
Hmm?
I know. We'll tell Ben.
Oh, don't pretend you've forgotten him. Ben.
B-E-N.
Oh, dear, have I upset you?
Never mind, Sybil.
Just remember all's fair in war and...
War and...
Ph, hell, the word escapes me.
Bravo! Bravo!
Bravo!
You're a monster.
A wonderful, glorious monster.
It was great! You were superb!
Sweetheart.
- A real tour de force. - Yes.
Don't change a word. Keep it just like that.
God, I hope... I hope I can remember what I said.
You're so naughty.
That's why you love me.
Yes.
That cow!
She is vile, disgusting, cruel.
She is a double-dyed bitch!
We have a hit, Tom. A palpable hit, my boy.
I want to leave.
I never want to act again.
Don't be so silly, you were wonderful.
Absolutely superb.
And now you're under contract.
It's clear the play's going to run and run.
So you'll have the opportunity to hone your performance.
Just think, 8 shows a week for a year,
playing opposite Julia Lambert.
It'll be an experience you'll never forget.
Just have a great time, have fun.
No! No!
You're still the greatest actress in England.
I'm going now. See you at the party.
And try not to be late.
It's going to be simply heavenly.
I'll be there.
Splendid. Oh, darling.
Magnificent. Absolutely wonderful.
Champagne, mademoiselle Lambert?
No. Beer. A pint.
Everyone here is talking about
how wonderful you were tonight.
Ah, thank you.
Your only reality is the theatre.
Anything else, the outside world,
what civilians call the real world,
is nothing but fantasy.
And I bloody well won't let you forget it.
Rubbish.
Are you expecting a guest?
Shall I place another plate?
No, thank you, Antoine.
I've decided not to go to the first-night party.
I want to dine alone tonight.
Quite alone.